What Remains in the Face of Death?

On a Tuesday evening my father called me to inform about the demise of our family doctor, and that was enough to put me in a chain of thoughts for days. He was aged and not keeping well, so his passing wasn’t exactly a shocker. But like people say, you are never really ready about such things even though you know it will happen. He was a good man and I ain’t saying that because he is dead. Some people have aura that makes everything better. 

I felt the same way about Dr. A PJ Kalam. I really didn’t want him to go because I wanted to see him again as the President of India. That was the first time I cried for a public figure, someone I had never met, known or seen in person.

When Sushma Swaraj died I had felt a pang on pain in my heart. She was a brave lady with a true vision for India, and there was so much she could do, but it was her time. Again, I never got to meet her. 

I also didn’t meet Irfan Khan. His death was a shocker to the nation because hardly few people knew about his condition. He died a hero. And again I saw myself shed a tear or two for a man who I felt left too early. I admire the way he explained religion. Dr Kalam and he had the same approach about religion. Both of them said, “religion is a private matter. It’s between the devotee and god. No one else should ever come between the two.” He was a sensible person, so I wanted to hear more about his take on various things. 

Last year, we lost Ratan Tata, and that was it for me. I cried river when I heard he is no more. I felt as though someone has snatched my emotional shelter from me. On the night of his passing I cried myself to sleep because I felt scared about what our country would become. You see, we don’t have a first family concept, but the Tata family is India’s first family in its true essence. If you read about the Tata family’s contribution, you will be in awe of each one of them. Ratan sir’s death killed a lot of my hope because he was a living embodiment of it. His presence made everyone feel that there is something good in the world, and desperately needed that for myself. I needed his goodness to go ahead in life, fight the curveballs, and stay strong. I had to accept the faith at the end. 

But god definitely has some plan because India again lost Dr Manmohan Singh the same year. I felt terrible about it because the man had a good heart and intention, but we never valued him until he was gone. We are very less educated about him and his background. Thus, we were quick to judge and resent him. During his leadership, I remember waking up one morning with no desire to do anything because I was going through a break-up. I was watching his interview and realized, this man wakes every morning with hatred of billions of people. Yet nothing keeps him away from his job and responsibilities. He still maintained the dignity and demeanour of a headstrong man. I vividly remember asking myself, “if he can bear such a level of loathing and still not give up on himself, why can’t I keep going?” It was that day that I started respecting him from my heart, not just as the PM of India, but also for the man he was! 

There was and still is so much to learn and pick up from these personalities. I didn’t want any one of them to go, if it would be in my hand, I would suggest other names to god. But you cannot change God’s plans. I am pretty sure god is a man because a mother could never be so ruthless to her children. 

While I was busy grieving after losing my family doctor, I realized that their time was up and they had played their role. All of them had lived a fuller life, and they had contributed to society in a way that left a strong mark. It would be selfish of me to want them to stay even after their chapter was over. Instead of cribbing and sobbing after their death with my selfish mindset, I should set their spirits free and keep them alive in memories.

I wanted them alive for my own reasons because our society, nation, and people around us felt better with their presence. But in the moment of realization, it dawned on me that if the hope of a better nation depends on them being alive, then we failed. They did not fail to inspire — I failed to become a better person, and the nation failed to produce more people like them. They should not live with any burden because they did their best and left a legacy. The least I could do is not hold on to what could have been and instead live in the present moment. It is up to us to carry that legacy forward or leave it in the past.

And so, I will end with this — none of us want to die, but death is inevitable. Perhaps that is exactly what makes life so deeply meaningful.

XOXO

The Queen of Random Things