Love Breakup Zindagi

I have a habit of revisiting my past every time I find myself stuck. It doesn't have to be just a memory, it could be a person who knew me well, a go-to place from my past, or even a familiar food that brings back better times. One such thing is re-watching old movies that became an integral part of life because I picked up a thing or two from them. 

And Love Breakup Zindagi happens to be one of the closest movies to my heart. 

The fact that the movie was released more than a decade ago doesn't prevent me from watching it even today because it helped me define a feeling that I wasn't sure existed. . I remember randomly deciding to watch that movie because it had Dia Mirza in it. I am not a big fan of her, but I love her eyes and skin. The movie doesn't have an out-of-the-box plot. Rather, it has a mundane love story that many may not find intriguing. When I watched it, I was in my 20s and I found it amazing. 

But after entering my 30s, my reason to like and re-watch the movie changed. People changed and so did I! Watching such movies like Love BreakUp Zindagi, Hum Tum, Kabhi khushi kabhi gum, Dil chahta hai, Parineeta, Mohabbatein, Love Aajkal restores my faith in love, friendship, and relationships. I almost always forget about my current problem whenever I'm watching such old but gold movies that were made purely out of joy and showcase human connection. They remind me that humans are capable of loving, caring, giving, and—most importantly—sharing. It was a simpler time when mobile phones were dumb and people were smart. Now it’s the other way around! People actually connected with each other those days and made better communication even without the support of advanced technology.

I am in the "in-between" stage of my life. I am not what I used to be, and I haven't become what I am supposed to be. I am in the middle where things are confusing, boring, uncertain, peaceful, and calm right now. It becomes overwhelming at times because there are things I haven't figured out because I don't know who I am becoming, or rather what I am becoming. And the idea of standing in the middle ground always irritates me. Hence, you might understand when I indulge in meeting an old friend, going to an old café I used to visit often, or watching a movie that takes me to the version of myself I was proud of.

No offense! I love who I am right now and I have nothing against what I am becoming because it's still in the process, but I loved my old self, I adored my old form. If I had known healing and growing up would take me down this route that has no hint of drama, I might not have chosen it. But that's something I will never know. The thought of bidding goodbye to myself makes me sad every time because I love every version of myself.

But that's where Love Breakup Zindagi comes to my rescue. There is a dialogue at the end of the movie that speaks to me.

 "वापस आने के बाद सब कुछ बदला बदला सा लगता है। अधूरा सा। कभी कभी तो लगता है कि मैं वहीं पे कुछ भुल आयी हूँ, bags भी चेक किए। शायद बदलाव सिर्फ़ चीज़ों और माहौल में नहीं है मुझ में है" 

Translation: After coming back everything seems changed. Incomplete. Sometimes I feel that I have forgotten something there, I even checked my bags. Perhaps the change is not only in things and environment but in me. 

Fortunately for Naina, she found out the reason for her change in the end of the movie. Maybe I have, maybe I haven't. Maybe time will tell. But yeah! I feel related to this phrase of hers and it reminds me to go ahead in life because after losing every version of myself the next one has come out stronger, smarter, and more beautiful. It's like a pattern of my life. I cry a river when I lose a version of myself to a situation or someone, but isn't that part of life? And like I always say, what is good without bad?

From time to time I meet a previous self in places, people, movies and songs, and I relive those moments in my mind. It makes me feel better and gives me the needed push. It's strange, but unlike others, I don't feel the same way with pictures. So I revisit the past not to stay stuck in it, but to remember who I was, to honour that version of me, and to give strength to the one I’m becoming. Maybe that’s why I’ll keep revisiting the past—not to stay there, but to remember the way forward.

And of course! The movie reminds me how simple love and friendship are until we decide to complicate them. If you’ve watched the movie—or plan to—just know that I fall for Dhruv a little more every time. Not because he was the bigger person, but because he is the right kind of boring for my monkeyness. In other words, he is the right type of stable for someone like me. I know, it's a movie and we are reality. That kind of stuff rarely happens. Plus, we live in a totally different world now.  

Oh my god! It took so much courage to share something like this with you, my dear reader. I hope you like it because I am literally giving you a piece of my heart. Now, I will leave you on this emotional note. It's Friday and on a note of आज कुछ तूफानी करते है, I have decided to deal with a man-child colleague. 

And how about you tell me what do you do to meet the older version of yourself? 

Love Kiss Kiss

The Queen Of Random Things