Break the Cycle by Shifting mindsets

Men and women are raised differently in India. Indians have different perspectives, mindsets, rules, boundaries, societal pressure, values, and teaching for both genders. There is no denying this fact because we have seen a clear difference from the early days of childhood. No, I don’t mean to play a victim card being a woman nor do I want to criticize age-old mentality. But I feel it’s high time everyone realized that everyone has a role to play in society and the blame game doesn't work when we talk about growth or betterment. 

“It’s easy to raise boys, It’s the girls we need to be careful around.” I have heard this dialogue multiple times since I was a teenager. I was never able to understand what they meant by indicating one gender grows up with effortless parenting and another demands optimal parenting. It was many years later that I realized society has given superiority to the male gender because boys don’t leave their homes after marriage, cannot bear a child, and do not have any capacity to run a house alone. In other words, Indian society decided to worship the receiver instead of the provider. 

While girls were taught to take care of everyone’s needs at home during a young age, boys didn’t have to worry about anything until they got married and had kids. Females are trained to achieve perfection because their tasks depend on satisfying others' needs, whereas boys have little to no idea about likes and dislikes of family members. Hence, the burden of keeping the family together falls on women after they get married into an unknown family. Men at the end of the day, no matter where they have gone, are going to come back home. 

After every major rape in our country, I see posts that say teach your boys how to behave. Indeed, I agree. Men, boys, and dudes must learn how to treat women, girls, and chicks. But these people forget to explain how to teach boys respect, rejection, and consent. Instead of being careless and easy on the boy child, Indian parents must teach these basic values at home from the time they are kids. 

The problem is boys don’t get rejections at home. They aren’t rebuked for disrespecting their sisters, mothers, aunts, female servants, and other female members at home. They easily get away with bad behaviour at home, without even a warning. The lack of negative reinforcement encourages them to believe it is okay to treat women outside the home in the same manner. In the same way, they don’t get rejections at home. Their every desire and wish is fulfilled without putting much thought into how it will mentally affect them. And in case there are rejections, they will throw a fit that will pressure parents to give in. 

Seeing your child in tears and pain is not a sight parents want to see, but aren't parents supposed to teach hard lessons. Giving in means validating their wrong behaviour and demands. If a kid learns such lessons of self-esteem, dignity, boundaries, dismissal and non-acceptance at home, he will have experience of what to expect out of the real world. Only then boys will be able to take rejections without heavy vengeful feelings and that would even help in reducing rapes. Because their ego won’t be fragile to get hurt by small things, to begin with! 

And before everything else, we should stop taunting parents on how to raise their sons and instead make them aware about the different teaching methods to avoid unwanted chaos and drama. Blaming parents will not solve the problem, it will instigate more issues, which will benefit no one! 

For the collective good, society must take a communal step towards better parenthood towards both genders. Maybe the rapes will reduce! Maybe fewer women will face domestic violence! Maybe society will be a safe place for weak people. Hard changes that bring good results aren't bad. 

With that, I bid you adieu until the next time! Take care of yourself!

The Queen of Random Things 

xoxo