Don't get Married for "Love"!!!

No, I have nothing against love, don't get me wrong. I do believe in love, and I am optimistic about it. But one should not get married to someone for love. Love is a tricky concept. It's not only difficult to define, but it is also difficult to handle. Falling in love is easy but holding onto that love is hard. Don't you think? After Gulzar, I have fallen in love with how Nicolas Sparks explains and expresses love in his writing. "Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day", says the first page of The Wedding by him. A study shows that a person falls in love thrice in a lifetime. The concept intrigued me, and it did make sense to me.  

First Love: Also known as Fairy tale love, which can happen at the young age of school or college. We are most delirious, innocent, giving, and vulnerable in this love. We give ourselves totally and are ready to do anything for the person.

Second Love: Famously known as Hard Love. This love teaches us many things and cultivates us as a person. As the name suggests, this love leads you to think, 'This is it' & that you cannot love after this. This is your person, and this is where you need to settle. This love brings you pain, lies, and several negative things to make you never fall in love again. You lose a lot in the process of keeping the person. However, this love teaches you many life lessons. It clarifies your desires, wants, needs, and requirements from life and your potential partner. You do come out stronger and wiser from this love. 

Third Love: As we all know, Unexpected or Effortless Love. This love creeps into you out of nowhere. It comes when you are not looking for it. This love makes you comfortable in your skin. The person accepts you the way you are, with your good and bad. You are wiser, practical, scared, and confident in this love. This love creates a two-way street for both where you can grow. 

I have noticed many people settle into life with their first love without giving much thought to it. Love at a tender age makes you want it more and never leave it. When we are scared to be alone or start all over again, we compromise with second love. Third-love, demands self-love and nurturing, which isn't everyone's cup of tea. You can choose to settle in life with any one type of love. Of course, the choice is all yours.  

I have learned the hard way that people looking for love have abundance within them. They cannot only use that love for themselves but also spread that love around them. The journey from first love to self-love is difficult and dreadful. I am sure only a few can make it. But what is life without struggle and sadness? 

Most people have yet to learn what changes marriage welcomes alongside. They like the idea of a wedding ceremony they see in romantic movies. People get married for a lot less because they hate the idea of being alone or single. They need someone constantly to feel loved. They need someone to talk to. Why do you need someone else's presence to feel valued about your existence? Are you such a bore that you wouldn't prefer to sit alone with your thoughts? Why do you need someone else to make you feel wanted? Happiness that depends on someone is fiction and delusional. The person cannot and will not make you happy all the time. What happens when reality hits and the bubble world breaks? And then life on social media doesn't match with life in reality. 

You are enough to make yourself happy. Self-love is enough to make you stronger. You must first fall in love with yourself to make someone else fall in love with you. I believe successful marriages are those where both partners do not forget to love themselves and be the better version of themselves. They constantly grow and inspire each other. The idea of "I want to grow old with you" is delusional and stupid. "I want to grow in life with you" is realistic and allows both partners to evolve -separately and together. One needs to fall in love with the partner again and again to keep the spark alive. Love is hard work, but it will not feel like hard work with the person who values you. 

Thus, a few weeks ago, someone asked me, "should I get married?" My answer was, "Yes, if you think you are ready and if you want to. But don't get married for love, rather get married for understanding, respect and equality. The byproduct of these will transform into love. However, if you get married for love it is not necessary you will get those three things or that they will stay." Love is acceptance and respect. If you cannot accept and respect yourself, you are less likely to do the same to others. Stay alone as long as you don't see yourself admiring and working on yourself. 

On that loving note, I wish you a happy weekend, my dear reader. I hope your winter goes romanticizing every bit of life. 

With Lots of Love 

The Queen of Random things 

XOXO