Turbulence In My Singlehood

In 2018, I went for the Hampta Pass trek alone for the first time! Well, technically, I wasn't really alone. 31 other people were trekking with me on the same route, and I bonded well with them. It was a hell of an experience for me. I laughed, cried, fought, made friends, got angry, and had my favorite Rajma-chawal on the trek's highest point. For months I couldn't get over it, and I used to bore my roommates with the stories. Poor girls used to tolerate my narration every time. It was indeed a fun experience. 

Luckily for my group, we had a really humble and simple guide to show us the path and help us climb the trek. Madan Mohanji, a pahadi man who loves mountains. He loved living in the mountains and living a simple life. He hated cities and the unwanted cribbing of city people. I learned quite a few things from him. Once I was tired, he suggested standing up and looking back at the route I passed. He said, "Looking back will give you a sense of achievement and pump you to walk further. Be proud of what you have crossed and never sell yourself short." And he was right! At one point, I wanted to return and give up trekking. However, his words pushed me, and I reached the final destination while jumping like a monkey. I was happy that I somehow finished the trek. This theory was quite helpful in real life too. To ensure I was motivated to walk ahead in my life while feeling fulfilled by my past. 

During this trek, most of us would get tired and often ask Madanji how far the next camp was. Very calmly, with a gentle smile, he would reply, "Bas toda aur! Nazdeek hi hai." But the reality would be pretty different from his assurance. It turns out guides use this technique to keep trekkers motivated. They don't dishearten trekkers by saying they are far away from the next camp. Bas toda aur would encourage them to pull up their sleeves and climb with full energy. Trust me, it worked. Also, after a certain point, we realized there was no point in asking guides about the distance because we wouldn't get a straight answer. However, I could never forget this technique that they used to push trekkers to move forward. Simple yet practical. 

This experience has nothing to do with this article. I just wanted to share this beautiful story and show my gratitude to Madan Mohanji for his lovely hospitality. My dear reader, I hope your Diwali celebration was grand and the week is going fantastic. Yours truly is also enjoying her vacation in a beautiful area of India where everything seems dazzling in its way.  

Let's get back to the topic. Being a single woman isn't easy. It doesn't matter what your age is. Society always eats your head with the marriage question. Being single has become a curse for everyone, not because they feel lonely but because they are terrified of the questions people bombard them with. See, I am blunt, so I always create walls around me so that no one feels comfortable asking me personal questions. Sure, people close to me bore me with the marriage question, and they get left and right from me. I don't know since when from a desired-life event, marriage has become a to-do list thing!! 

It annoys me when people think you have achieved nothing if you aren't married. By the way, tell me, what great things happen after marriage? Tell me honestly, wouldn't you love to live my life? Half of our generation is going out in marriage for sex, love, affection, and transactional relationships. Some of them hide their sexual orientation and live a double life. This marriage market has become a big hoax, I tell you. Most of my married friends suggested not getting married because shadi mein such mein kuch Rakha nahi hai. And those who bug me in getting married are the believer in having a life partner at the end of the day. It doesn't matter if you are loyal to each other or not. I tell you, the number of married people I see going out of there is increasing by the day. If only I had a rupee for every time a married guy asked me to be his girlfriend, the rupee would be stronger than the dollar!!!

Arey, leave that. Tell me, what's the harm in being single and not being interested in a guy? The single guys take rejection so badly these days, as if they failed to be good sons. And this without relationship wala possessiveness is so toxic, "Acha, you can talk to him but not me", You wouldn't prefer to come out for dinner with me, but you can go out with your friends." Dude, this is called getting into my space, not getting closer. One guy told me he wanted a soul connection with me and that I was the perfect one for him. I had to break that connection for my sanity because how can you force a relationship on someone? Why are guys so clingy? Don't get me wrong, I liked and had a pleasant time with one guy. But the moment I told him, "Instead of jumping on bed at the beginning itself, let's get to know each other." The guy ghosted me, and I haven't heard from him since then. 

No! This isn't it! I am a heterosexual female, for anyone wondering otherwise. This year, I have found myself twice in a situation where I was groped by women almost my age. Man, that was scary! The problem with women is they don't give up easily. A quality I wish men had! See, I am all in support of LGBTQ, but baba, leave me alone I have no desire to swing the other way. I am happy where I am. 

You see, I am one of those lucky people who understand solitude, not just in meaning or definition but in reality and experience. I love my own company. I dread for alone-time. I like speculating and introspecting about myself and my behavior. Instead of searching for love and happiness outside, I have found that within me. There are weekends when I am alone at home, and I enjoy the presence of complete silence for a whole day. There is great joy in enjoying silence around you when your inside has a lot to talk about. 

It does get lonely at times, I will be honest, but that's not for having a romantic partner. That's for having someone by my side who understands me for who I am. Someone who chooses to be with me even after knowing my bad side. I am not saying it has to be a romantic connection, it just has to be a familiar connection. A soulmate isn't always your life partner, it can be anyone. During my low days, it gets hard when I question my existence and try to find reasons for my being. But I am a woman with standards and know what I am worthy of. I am aware there will be good and bad days, but I can't give up on my singlehood just because I feel left out once in a pink moon! 

On the rare occasion, I find and ask myself feeling low for not having a romantic partner, and I tell myself, "Bas toda aur! Woh jo bhi hai nazdeek hi!"  

With Love, 

The Queen of Random things