Secret Love

We have known each other for more than a decade, which is a long time. During this time, we have fought so many times that I have forgotten the number of fights that we have had. We end up having differences in almost every call over nothing. At the end of the fight, we don't even remember the reason. We laugh at each other for that and move past it. Funny thing, we always fight over something stupid that happened or didn't happen during college. 13 years ah! That's how long we have known each other. A lot has happened in between. I was off the market for a while, and then you married. There will be a time you will have your own family. 

But I am thankful for what remains the same between us! None of us know precisely what the opposite person feels, but we have an idea about it. I guess it will become unbearable for both of us if anyone of us expresses the feeling for the other. Let's keep it that way. We might not know each other completely, but we respect each other as individuals and accept with all plus & minus. Honestly, I can never forget how you smile when you pull my leg and irritate me. I can never forget the way you smiled when you were trying to describe my traditional food after having it for the first time. The silence while being with you in the same room isn't uncomfortable. It's soothing.

There is just something about You I am afraid to lose because I know I won't find it in anyone else!

To tell you the truth, yes! There will be times when I will be with someone. And yes, I will be involved with different guys differently (Not at a time for sure). Strangely, we could never be together. I guess the blame is on me. However, over time we couldn't be together; I haven't found anyone like you! Not that I want anyone to take your place, but there will never be anyone half as what you are! Tolstoy had put it together beautifully that compatibility between two people is when they work out things even after numerous differences. I am glad we could work that shit out without working on it. A relationship requires a lot of compromise and forgiveness from both sides, and even though we always remained friends, it's beautiful how our equation has evolved and bloomed over the years.  

No matter how many guys I have been with or will be with, no one can stop me from feeling what I have for you. Because it's all mine, inside me, and no one can take that away from me. And even after so many fights, arguments, tiffs, and disagreements, we get back together as if nothing happened and do not miss to respect each other. I am glad you never left my side and stayed no matter how hard things became. I adore how you take my last name after every fight and say sorry (even though it's mostly not your mistake). This is almost the same kind of bond I share with my father. 

People aren't Perfect, But Love can be! For me, that's with & for You.

Looking at my father, I know what love is. He taught me the meaning of love. But you are the one who taught me how to live it by keeping inside and spreading it. If you weren't in my life, I would never know how to love and cherish it without even having it, but always have it within. You made me realize one can never fully understand love, even if he/she tries to. Love is more than your power of understanding, and there is literally no boundary, limit, or deadline in love. 

Every time I have told myself that I am over you and it was just a phase, my heart proves me wrong, and I fall back in love with you all over again, harder than the last time. It just doesn't vanish!!!!!!! I am head over heels in love with you, darling! But my love towards you doesn't make me weak it makes me stronger. The times that we spent together brought me joy in my blues. Your smiling face always puts me at ease. 

It's a dialogue from a movie, but I feel it, "Every day, I love you a little less than tomorrow and a little more than yesterday."

So finally, after such a long time, so many years, I remove my hesitation to announce to the world that no matter what changes and what doesn't, this feeling for you will always be there. I will keep on falling in love with you. 

PS: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I really need it. 💘

Titled: A letter that you are never getting

Written on: 7th Jan'21 03:28 PM