Damn you Self-confidence

I lost my confidence after ending my last relationship because it soaked all the positive things out of me, or so I thought! It was exhausting for me to pull myself up for another day, another meeting, another adventure. I was a game even in that bad shape and I still am. But something that I lost was holding me back from being myself and that was the most irritating part. 

But the worst was yet to come! I had become boring for myself and I had started to accept that boringness inside me and allowed it to grow. Out of all the things that I have done I think that was the most stupid thing I ever did to myself. It hit me hard and I didn't just have WTF moment, I had WTF days. And I was in a desperate need to end that no-confidence phrase because it sucked, big time!!!!! 

Usually, I am an expert in advising others but when it comes to myself I am a hopeless sucker and I am sure I am not the only one. But somehow after making many mistakes I realized how to deal with this problem. 

Working on yourself isn't an easy task, it's a constant battle and I am still fighting it. But good things take time, right!!! In the beginning, boosting self-confidence became a task for me, it was a day-to-day chore. And I think the first step in solving a problem is to know and accept that there is one. It wasn't that hard for me. The hard part was to find the right person to vomit things out. Lucky for me, I do have a few amazing people in my life who tolerate my drama without any complaints. (Well, they do take pleasure out of my drama.) 

Moreover, the thing about low self-esteem is you find everybody's life better than yours and you feel worst about that. At that moment you can't even be reasonable with yourself and ask your mind to stop comparing. It's always the mind playing the trick and it is difficult to beat those thoughts. 

I also realized I had to cut loose some negative people in my life who acted like my friend but always put me down. You know people can pretend that they are your best friends and fuck up with your mind. Instead of helping they will torture you more. Rather than hearing or understanding you, they will re-telecast your mistakes to make you feel worse. CUT OFF THEM, IMMEDIATELY! You must understand the power of UNFOLLOWING button on Instagram and in real life. In order to grow and fly you need to cut certain strings and let go of people who do not allow you to fly. 

Next, I started meeting and calling old friends who loved me for who I am and made me feel a lot better about my existence. I have no idea what would I do without a couple of my friends and the worst part is none of them lives in the same city. (Chalo, never mind to that, distance makes the heart grow fonder.) Basically, you need to have one asshole friend who tells you, "Ha matlab theek hai, tu itni bhi beautiful nahi hai bas theek hi hai. 4/10 I will say." and one sweetheart who shouts at you while saying, "BC! Patakha hai tu. Look at yourself." (Lucky for me both were said by the same person.) 

After a little push, it is a little easy path to walk on. Like my girl, Rihanna said, "Fake until you make it!" I dressed up like a queen like every day is my birthday. Because, baby dressing up isn't just a game to present yourself, it's a mood changer! Don't tell me you won't like it when people will turn just to see you and that won't make you feel goooood about yourself! And that mind-blowing person in the mirror puts a smile on your face every time you look. 

Going out and meeting positive people really did wonders for me. I was able to see myself from their perspective. Sometimes a complete stranger can really lift your spirit unknowingly or unknowingly. I believe you can tell a lot about a person from the way he/she grieves. And I guess my way was to meet positive people and put on a fake smile, which eventually converts into a real one. 

Moreover, once you know where you are lacking and accept it the half battle is yours! Honestly, I just had to fight my fear of rejection, which isn't that bad once you accept it. An acceptance that I lack somewhere allowed me to see myself clearly and work on it. You can only help someone if the person wants to be helped. And I was done being afraid and not being myself. 

I am still fighting the battle of self-confidence but finally, I have taken things into my hands now. I am out and about, and back to my game of being the awesome version of myself. You know the sexiest thing about a woman isn't her smile, it's her self-confidence. (Well, it goes for the other gender as well!)

The weeks after regaining my self-confidence have been soothing and super-duper fun. It's like I have got back something I had lost and it was just around the corner, I just didn't look for it! 

With that thought, I bid you adieu on a hot Friday afternoon with a broad smile on my face. I have a long day and a beautiful weekend ahead. I hope the same for you! Wait until my next blog, maybe it will be juicer 😋

XOXO

 

The Queen of Random Things